I am preparing IELTS for entering schools. My biggest weakness is writing more specifically grammar and vocabulary :( would be so happy if someone to get me out of English suffer

Please have a look and make them better pleaseeeeeeee

Developing countries require international aid. Some people prefer to give them financial handouts while others think practical aid and advice are better.
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It is undeniable fact that numerous of developing nations still demand global cooperation. Some would argue that financial assistance will lead to effective result to developing countries whilst others believe that practical counselling would bring better ramification.
This essay agrees that international community should focus on practical supporting instead of temporary economical assists. As a consequence, it will lead to make developing countries have ability to solve their own problems.

Admittedly, Support developing countries is one of the most significant ways to get out from poverty. Also, underdeveloped countries have lack of immediate resources such as food, money or water. For example, In 2014, UNICEF researched that 25% of new-born babies in Africa were dying out from cold and hunger. This was because their parent had no financial ability to purchase cloths or food. Therefore, there are still underdeveloped countries are in need of substantive aid.

It is true that some poor nations suffer with lack of commodity. Nevertheless, we cannot discount that fact that although numerous of unwealthy countries have lavish resources, they still stay in underdeveloped level. For instance, Venezuela Government have and hold a vast amount of financial resources. Despite, most of population have serious problem to purchase basic food product. It is because of corruption among wealth political figures. As seen from the example, not every countries require financial support. It could hand to wrong people ( I was not able to find proper expression for this sentence )

To conclude, Each poor nations struggle with different obstacles. World ought to support with actual advises to underdeveloped countries not just temporary expedient.

Question

I am preparing IELTS for entering schools. My biggest weakness is writing more specifically grammar and vocabulary :( would be so happy if someone to get me out of English suffer

Please have a look and make them better pleaseeeeeeee

Developing countries require international aid. Some people prefer to give them financial handouts while others think practical aid and advice are better. 
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It is undeniable fact that numerous of developing nations still demand global cooperation. Some would argue that financial assistance will lead to effective result to developing countries whilst others believe that practical counselling would bring better ramification.
This essay agrees that international community should focus on practical supporting instead of temporary economical assists. As a consequence, it will lead to make developing countries have ability to solve their own problems.

Admittedly, Support developing countries is one of the most significant ways to get out from poverty. Also, underdeveloped countries have lack of immediate resources such as food, money or water. For example, In 2014, UNICEF researched that 25% of new-born babies in Africa were dying out from cold and hunger. This was because their parent had no financial ability to purchase cloths or food. Therefore, there are still underdeveloped countries are in need of substantive aid.

It is true that some poor nations suffer with lack of commodity. Nevertheless, we cannot discount that fact that although numerous of unwealthy countries have lavish resources, they still stay in underdeveloped level. For instance, Venezuela Government have and hold a vast amount of financial resources. Despite, most of population have serious problem to purchase basic food product. It is because of corruption among wealth political figures. As seen from the example,  not every countries require financial support. It could hand to wrong people ( I was not able to find proper expression for this sentence )

To conclude, Each poor nations struggle with different obstacles. World ought to support with actual advises to underdeveloped countries not just temporary expedient.

milkt___ · Accepted Answer

I have rephrased some of it, to flow better. If you have any questions or such feel free to ask but I hope this helps. Good luck!

"It is an undeniable fact that numerous developing nations still demand global cooperation. Some would argue that financial assistance will lead to effective result within developing countries whilst others believe that practical counselling would bring better ramifications.

This essay agrees that the international community should focus on practical support instead of temporary economical assistance. As a consequence, it will lead to developing countries having the ability to solve their own problems.

Admittedly, Supporting developing countries is one of the most significant ways to get out of poverty. Also, underdeveloped countries have a lack of immediate resources such as food, money or water. For example, In 2014, UNICEF researched that 25% of new-born babies born in Africa were dying out from cold and hunger. This was because their parents had no financial ability to purchase clothes or food. Therefore, there are still underdeveloped countries that are in need of substantive aid.

It is true that some poor nations suffer with lack of commodity. Nevertheless, we cannot discount that fact that although numerous of unwealthy countries have lavish resources, they still stay at an underdeveloped level. For instance, The Venezuela Government have and hold a vast amount of financial resources. Despite this, most of the population have a serious problem when it comes to purchasing basic food products. It is because of corruption among wealthy political figures. As seen from the example, not every country requires financial support as doing so the population that require the aid may never receive it as the money may be spread out amongst the wealthy instead.

To conclude, each poor nation struggles with different obstacles and I believe that the world should support these underdeveloped countries with helpful advice and not just temporary expedient."

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