Question
Aggiornato il
Utente eliminato
2 dic 2017
Domande Inglese (Stati Uniti)
This story is too long, so I split it a few parts.
There are a lot of mistakes in it.
If you’re sure, could you please correct and make it more natural?
Part 5
After hearing the voice calling her, she said “I’m very looking forward to your performance!! See you later!”,and left.
We were glad to make it through that time, but we still had a problem. We need to make sure why water is coming from that guy. We nervously took his jacket off.
And then, he emerged out of there. He was soaking wet. Why? Because his tits had burst, when he fell down.
He didn’t pretend to sleep, he had just lost even the will to stand. Because his tits were gone away, which he finally get those! He had already grow fond of those.
Even if they were water balloons.
We softly push himself up, cut his plastic tapes tightened while I said “Don’t worry”
And We stuffed new water balloons to get back his smile.
4 hours later, he danced on our stage.
Nobly and strongly more than anyone else.
This story is too long, so I split it a few parts.
There are a lot of mistakes in it.
If you’re sure, could you please correct and make it more natural?
Part 5
After hearing the voice calling her, she said “I’m very looking forward to your performance!! See you later!”,and left.
We were glad to make it through that time, but we still had a problem. We need to make sure why water is coming from that guy. We nervously took his jacket off.
And then, he emerged out of there. He was soaking wet. Why? Because his tits had burst, when he fell down.
He didn’t pretend to sleep, he had just lost even the will to stand. Because his tits were gone away, which he finally get those! He had already grow fond of those.
Even if they were water balloons.
We softly push himself up, cut his plastic tapes tightened while I said “Don’t worry”
And We stuffed new water balloons to get back his smile.
4 hours later, he danced on our stage.
Nobly and strongly more than anyone else.
There are a lot of mistakes in it.
If you’re sure, could you please correct and make it more natural?
Part 5
After hearing the voice calling her, she said “I’m very looking forward to your performance!! See you later!”,and left.
We were glad to make it through that time, but we still had a problem. We need to make sure why water is coming from that guy. We nervously took his jacket off.
And then, he emerged out of there. He was soaking wet. Why? Because his tits had burst, when he fell down.
He didn’t pretend to sleep, he had just lost even the will to stand. Because his tits were gone away, which he finally get those! He had already grow fond of those.
Even if they were water balloons.
We softly push himself up, cut his plastic tapes tightened while I said “Don’t worry”
And We stuffed new water balloons to get back his smile.
4 hours later, he danced on our stage.
Nobly and strongly more than anyone else.
Risposte
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- Inglese (Stati Uniti)
After hearing the voice calling out for her, she said "I'm looking forward to your performance! See you later!" and left. We were glad to make it through that time, but we still had a problem. We need to find out why that guy is covered in water. Nervously, we took his jacket off.
I have no clue what the rest of this story is so I can't really fix it.
Utente esperto
Utente eliminato
@TriggerHappy thank you so much!! just in case, I post a whole story on here! When you feel something strange about grammar, word order and others, would you please tell me that?
Utente eliminato
@TriggerHappy Though I’m not sure if it’s outlandish thing or not , but I have this story.
Things happened when I was high school student, that was school festival day, six people, including me, gathered one of empty classrooms. Every classmates were hanging out around the food booths set up on the ground.. Paying no attention to that, we were final checking the movement of break dance. Because we were supposed to attend the show which is held after school festival.
Suddenly, while practicing one of our members opened their mouth and said “what’s a sadist? What’s the definition of a sadist?” I really thought he had finally lost his mind that time. And then somebody else answered him, “It’s someone who gets pleasure from inflicting pain on other people, isn’t it?”
“Ah... what does a sadist usually do?” Yet another kind of stupid question. “I don’t know, but… y’know...tying someone up with thick ropes?” came someone’s noncommittal answer.
Utente eliminato
@TriggerHappy After struggling with Rock Paper Scissors, we found ourselves tying up one of our members with plastic tape, forgetting about dance. It took us about 2 hours. His looks were feminine. so we stuffed around his chest with a couple of water balloons instead of tits. It was his request.
It was so horrible sight.
We absolutely got caught up in the moment.
An eccentric person was in front of us for some reason.
We thought, if someone came back and saw us, they would look at us like we were crazy. So we tried to hurry and clean up.
At that moment, I heard the door open. ”BANG!”
I pushed out an eccentric friend in front of me without thinking.
The person who walked in was none other than the most popular girl in school.
Utente eliminato
@TriggerHappy One of our members knocked down by me was still lying, and was covered with his school jacket. He seemed to pretend to be asleep.
“What are you doing, here, guys??” she said.
“Nothing at all. We’ve just checked our dance move for today’s event. And He is so tired that he’s asleep. How was shool festival??”
“That’s so fun! You guys should up for it! By the way, how come this floor got wet so much? ”
“Wet?? I I don’t know..” we didn’t understand what she said. But that was true. The floor was surely wet. Water was coming from that guy lying down for some reason.
After hearing the voice calling out for her, she said "I'm looking forward to your performance! See you later!" and left. We were glad to make it through that time, but we still had a problem. We need to find out why why water is coming from that guy.Nervously, we took his jacket off.
Utente eliminato
@TriggerHappy And then, he emerged out of there. He was soaking wet. Why? Because his tits had burst, when he fell down.
He didn’t pretend to sleep, he had just lost even the will to stand. Because his tits were gone away, which he finally get those! He had already grow fond of those.
Even if they were water balloons.
We softly push himself up, cut his plastic tapes tightened while I said “Don’t worry”
And We stuffed new water balloons to get back his smile.
4 hours later, he danced on our stage.
Nobly and strongly more than anyone else.
- Inglese (Stati Uniti)
- Francese (Francia) Quasi esperto
- Rumeno
I'll concentrate mostly on grammar and maybe to some extent on style.
I’m not sure if it’s an outlandish thing or not , but I have this story. ("Outlandish" may not be the correct choice of words, I'm not sure).
Things happened when I was A high school student. It was School Festival day, and six people, including me, gathered IN one of THE empty classrooms.
ALL OTHER classmates were hanging out around the food booths set up on the ground. Paying no attention to that, we were finalLY practicing some break dance moves, because we were supposed to participate in the show, which was held after THE school festival.
Suddenly, while practicing, (this comma is very important here) one of our members asked: “what’s a sadist? What’s the definition of a sadist?” I really thought he had lost his mind that time. And then somebody else answered: “It’s someone who gets pleasure from inflicting pain on other people, isn’t it?”
Utente esperto
Utente eliminato
@maple88 It’s really helpful!!!
Thank you so much!!
Your explanations are also very easy to understand!
- Inglese (Stati Uniti)
- Francese (Francia) Quasi esperto
- Rumeno
You are very welcome! I'll continue with the last 2 fragments a bit later.
Utente esperto
- Inglese (Stati Uniti)
- Francese (Francia) Quasi esperto
- Rumeno
Our eccentric friend was lying down and was covered with his school jacket.
What are you doing here, guys? (No comma before "here")
"Nothing at all. We were just practicing our dance moves for today’s event.
How was THE sChool festival??” (OR "how is..." if the event is still going on)
"You guys should up for it!" This is incorrect, but I don't know how to help, I'm not sure what you mean.
By the way, how come this floor got so wet?
... we pretended to not understand what she said.
After hearing somebody calling her,...
We needed to find out why water was oozing out from that guy.
Utente esperto
Utente eliminato
- Inglese (Stati Uniti)
- Francese (Francia) Quasi esperto
- Rumeno
[Novità] Ehi tu! Dico a te che stai imparando una lingua!
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