Would you please correcting my Englisg essay?

「How should there be Japanese women's working?」

I'm sure all women should become able to work on more work-place from now on.
(I'm sure all Japanese women will be ought to become able to 〜.)←It's better?
The following is the reason why I think so.

Surely, the social penetration(advance?) of woman is increasing more than before.
However, now, there are little women who work as a prime minister, a manager, and so on.

I'm sure it's because the lack of woman's social power that the thing which described above happens.
(I'm sure it's because the woman's social power lacks that the thing 〜.)←It's better?

Thus(Therefore?), all women should have the social power more so that they'll be able to work on more work-place in the future.

Therefore(Thus?), I'm sure all women should become able to work on more work-place from now on.

"on more work-place" is good?
I think it's bad.

Question

Would you please correcting my Englisg essay?
 


「How should there be Japanese women's working?」


I'm sure all women should become able to work on more work-place from now on.
(I'm sure all Japanese women will be ought to become able to 〜.)←It's better?
The following is the reason why I think so.

Surely, the social penetration(advance?) of woman is increasing more than before.
However, now, there are little women who work as a prime minister, a manager, and so on.

I'm sure it's because the lack of woman's social power that the thing which described above happens.
(I'm sure it's because the woman's social power lacks that the thing 〜.)←It's better?

Thus(Therefore?), all women should have the social power more so that they'll be able to work on more work-place in the future.

Therefore(Thus?), I'm sure all women should become able to work on more work-place from now on.



"on more work-place" is good?
I think it's bad.

choba · Answer

All Japanese women should be able to work in the workplace from now on. ~~is that what you are trying to say?

Surely, the social advance of women is increasing more than before.
However, now, there are little (~~few women?) women who work as a prime minister, a manager, and so on.

I'm sure it's because the woman's social power lacks that the thing 〜better 

Thus(Therefore?), all women should have more  social power so that they'll be able to work (on more work-place ???) in the future.

~I don’t understand “more work-place”.  The actual workplace? Or status in the workplace? Or neither?

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