Please correct my paragraph

Homecoming 4

As time passes I couldn't meet my friends because I became much busier than before. I was in a rivalry with time to enter the practical life and to achieve my goals, but that hasn't been easy at all. I started preparing my self psychologically and physically to invade the governmental ministries and centers to register my academic certifications and to enroll in the military service which is about a year in the army camps or in the civil sectors. One day in the morning I went to get the medical test for the military service , but I failed to be fit to join the camps because I have had a flat foot, I can clearly remember that when the doctor asked me to stand on one foot, I succeeded the reason why I still don't know why the doctor refused to let me pass , I am not sure if their another definition for the equilibrium which I used to study at University. I didn't know that the medical test would change the way that my life would go through.

To be continued

Homecoming 4

As time passed, I couldn't meet my friends because I had become much busier than before. I was in a rivalry with time, attempting to live a practical life and achieve my goals, but that hasn't been easy at all. I started preparing myself both psychologically and physically in order to register for my academic certifications and enroll in military service; about a year in the army camps or civil sectors. One morning, I went to get a medical test for military service, but I failed the physical because of my flat foot. I can remember clearly being asked to stand on one foot. I told the doctor about my condition and he still decided I was unfit for duty. I didn't realize that that medical examination would change my entire life.



Some things to work on:
- Word choice. Just because a word sounds smarter or bigger does not always mean it is better. If you use too many large and complex words in your writing, it could come across pretentious or too wordy for people to want to read
- Remember to stay in a single tense the entire time. You are writing about a past experience so the paragraph should be in past tense the entire time too.
- Lastly, if the idea of something is already known by context, you don't need to explicitly state it again. For example, you mentioned the medical examination multiple times, however, the reader was already aware of the fact that you were in a medical exam and so that part I redacted completely

Overall though, great writing! Understood the point well and hope your future studies are good! (: